When I was 13, I got one of the most embarrassing gifts I can remember. A pair of 10 pound dumbbells. I'm sure that you've gotten more embarrassing things, and there are plenty of things I can imagine being more embarrassing than 10 lb. dumbbells, but I didn't get those things. I got dumbbells.
Why were they so embarrassing? Because I was skinny. And I knew. And apparently my dad knew it too. He was giving me a gift to help me take care of the skinny problem, and most young men are likely glad to receive such a thoughtful coming-of-age ticket. But not me. I felt like it exposed my weakness, and my pride kept me from welcoming the healing balm of humility.
Nonetheless, my father was giving me a gift I needed. The Scriptures talk about how if our earthly fathers know how to give us good gifts, then certainly God, our Heavenly Father, knows what to give us. We all like to give good fitting gifts. We want to give something that is the right size, or the right look, or the right color for the person we're giving it to.
It's interesting that Jesus, in talking about God, focuses on his gift giving (as does James the brother of Jesus). Maybe Joseph was a very gracious father who read about the 5 Love Languages online and determined he was a gift-giver. Or maybe there's something very true about God and gift giving that is fundamental to our understanding.
In order to start getting to the point, I want to point to a few passages that deal with marriage and I want to respond to them in the context of gift giving.
All of these passages carry the idea of gifts. "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given...the one who can accept this should accept it." Gifts are given, and received. When they are received we are trained to express gratitude. A simple "Thank you", a note, a returned gift - something. A gift is given, received, and requires an expression of gratitude.
I have three main points to make. First, we are called to receive our gift instead of despising it. We are to use our gift instead of wasting it. And finally, we will see that Jesus is our True Gift.
Receive instead of Despise our gift
In a couple of passages (Philippians 4:6, 1 Thessalonians 5:8) we are encouraged to give thanks in all situations. We are to be a people who express gratitude as if it were our native tongue. We are even promised that if we thank God in all circumstances that His peace will actually guard our hearts. Moreover, there have been recent research and demonstrations of the fact that expressing gratitude makes people happier. Remember, we can give thanks not only because we were told to, and it's for our good, but because we know that every good gift comes from our Father above. We must understand that we are to thank God not only for his material gifts to us, or even spiritual gifts to us. But also for his marital gifts to us. To some he has given the gift of singleness. To others the gift of a wife. We must add gratitude to the gift he had given, and watch our contentment in him grow.
Also, God has chosen to give different gifts to his children, just as a loving Father knows each of his children and gives different gifts to each. Just as with thanksgiving, we tend to think about how God has given a diversity of material and spiritual gifts to people, but often fail to apply this same logic to marital gifts. God has given a diversity of marital gifts to his church. Therefore, we should feel confidence in asking for the gifts that God gives.
For singleness, you might ask for God's grace to remain single all your life and receive the gift he has given. Or maybe you ask for the gifts to remain single in this time focused on God and His kingdom. Or as a married man you ask God for the grace to live as if you were not married and so fulfill the command of Scripture. In addition, we should thank God for this gift. The single woman among us, might thank God for the grace to know now what she will be like in the Kingdom to come. The married woman, might thank God for the single women given to the church that she might see and remember what it is to be wholly focused on the Lord.
For marriage, me might ask for God to grant us a wife or husband. Be not ashamed to ask God for good gifts. Trust the Heavenly Father to hear your cry, and respond in love. The married man might also pray, asking God to grant that while his attention may be divided, that he may have the grace to live out a powerful witness of the divine mystery in covenant love. In addition, we should give thanks for marriage. The single woman should thank God for the married among her that she might see how Jesus feels toward her. And for the married woman, she should ask God to move with her through the crucifixion of herself that comes through marriage.
From this I think there are a few practical points. First, there should be space both for singleness and marriage in our churches and communities. We need people to know that it is OK to date, and it is OK to end up not married. Secondly, we should look for, encourage, and uplift those that would make vows of singleness with the same weight and fanfare with which we uplift the vows of marriage. Lastly, we should encourage one another to spend time with singles and married people. There is a great gift God has given in each that we need to learn and benefit from.
Using instead of Wasting your gift
We, being sons of Abraham, step into the covenants of God with an expectation that we will take the blessings he has given us and use them to further His kingdom. Every blessing is meant to be turned into a means to bless those around us.
There is no clearer picture of this expectation than the parable of the talents. Each different was given a different gift, and left with it. The servant who hid his money had the easiest time. He didn't have to think about it, reinvest it, make decisions. He just neglected it; wasting away the gift he was given. But the king rewarded those who made use of the gifts.
So, as singles we should use the gift God has given us to bless, encourage, and multiply those around us. We should be devoted to God through prayer and study of the word. We should be creative in bringing ministry initiatives to the church. There are many whom we live among who are also not married and therefore identify easily with you. We should intentionally be leading our churches, friends, family into a deeper place of single-minded devotion to Jesus.
As married people, we should great space of single people to be in our houses to create space of them to be welcomed and to challenge us. We should open our marriages for others to see, in order for the prophetic image to be proclaimed. We must be ready to demonstrate the sacrificial love of Christ, and the sacrificial submission of Christ.
Jesus Christ is our True Gift
We all know that God's love for the world compelled him to give his only begotten son. Jesus is literally God's gift to the world he loved. In order for this to happen, Jesus' life was taken in his prime. He wasn't married. He didn't have kids. But he had a reward.
Isaiah 53:7-12 outlines what happened to Jesus, and the sacrifice he made. Paul points out in Philippians that because of his sacrifice, Jesus received the name that is above all names - in heaven, on earth, and under the earth. Even more clearly, perhaps, is Isaiah 56:1-5 which outlines that even the eunuch should not regret their service to the Lord, because they will receive something better than sons and daughters - a name!
Wait what? Why would a name be something that God would offer to eunuchs who had no hope of having children? Why would that be of consolation?
Let's rewind for a moment, and take it back to the Garden of Eden. There God gave a command to Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply. Later, God promised Abraham that he would have a multitude of descendants. In order to accomplish both of those you have to have children, and thus the curse of pain (and vanity) in childbearing is truly great. Barrenness becomes the major struggle of Sarai's life and many other women from the Old Testament as well.
In the fall we see something else as well. Cain, instead of making much of his maker, named a city for his son. At the Tower of Babel men tried to make a name for themselves. Men wanted to continue their name through having children. That's why God was promising a name to eunuchs. They could have a name even without children. But how?
In Philippians 2, Paul recites the amazing story of how Jesus, who in his very nature was already God, humbled himself to the point of becoming like a man. And not only that but he humbled himself to the place of a servant and even to death. His death was not in vain, though. For God raised him from the dead and gave him the Name that is above every name! Though Jesus was cut off in the prime of his youth, God gave him a Name! He gave him the Name that causes angels and demons alike to bow. He gave him the Name that will cause princes and paupers to bend the knee. He gave him the Name he promised in Isaiah.
But what does that have to do with marriage? It has everything to do with marriage. For those who are single and will never marry, you have been brought into the family of God and given a Name that will not die out. Fear not about your legacy, because Jesus has commanded all of us to go and make disciples and baptize them in the Name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. They are to be our children. They are to be the ones who carry the Name of our father. There is no shame. There is now second-rate status for not being married. He has done away with any stigma, shame, or embarrassment. Jesus has come to give us a greater Name.
To those that are married, the same is true. We have been given a command to act as if we are not married now. To love our wives, submit to them, and see to it that they are sanctified. But we also are given a command to not only be fruitful and multiply physically, but also spiritually. We are to cover the earth with disciples that bear his Name.
We all know that God's love for the world compelled him to give his only begotten son. Jesus is literally God's gift to the world he loved. In order for this to happen, Jesus' life was taken in his prime. He wasn't married. He didn't have kids. But he had a reward.
Isaiah 53:7-12 outlines what happened to Jesus, and the sacrifice he made. Paul points out in Philippians that because of his sacrifice, Jesus received the name that is above all names - in heaven, on earth, and under the earth. Even more clearly, perhaps, is Isaiah 56:1-5 which outlines that even the eunuch should not regret their service to the Lord, because they will receive something better than sons and daughters - a name!
Wait what? Why would a name be something that God would offer to eunuchs who had no hope of having children? Why would that be of consolation?
Let's rewind for a moment, and take it back to the Garden of Eden. There God gave a command to Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply. Later, God promised Abraham that he would have a multitude of descendants. In order to accomplish both of those you have to have children, and thus the curse of pain (and vanity) in childbearing is truly great. Barrenness becomes the major struggle of Sarai's life and many other women from the Old Testament as well.
In the fall we see something else as well. Cain, instead of making much of his maker, named a city for his son. At the Tower of Babel men tried to make a name for themselves. Men wanted to continue their name through having children. That's why God was promising a name to eunuchs. They could have a name even without children. But how?
In Philippians 2, Paul recites the amazing story of how Jesus, who in his very nature was already God, humbled himself to the point of becoming like a man. And not only that but he humbled himself to the place of a servant and even to death. His death was not in vain, though. For God raised him from the dead and gave him the Name that is above every name! Though Jesus was cut off in the prime of his youth, God gave him a Name! He gave him the Name that causes angels and demons alike to bow. He gave him the Name that will cause princes and paupers to bend the knee. He gave him the Name he promised in Isaiah.
But what does that have to do with marriage? It has everything to do with marriage. For those who are single and will never marry, you have been brought into the family of God and given a Name that will not die out. Fear not about your legacy, because Jesus has commanded all of us to go and make disciples and baptize them in the Name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. They are to be our children. They are to be the ones who carry the Name of our father. There is no shame. There is now second-rate status for not being married. He has done away with any stigma, shame, or embarrassment. Jesus has come to give us a greater Name.
To those that are married, the same is true. We have been given a command to act as if we are not married now. To love our wives, submit to them, and see to it that they are sanctified. But we also are given a command to not only be fruitful and multiply physically, but also spiritually. We are to cover the earth with disciples that bear his Name.
